Crap! What if he doesn’t want to use a condom?

Safe sex

Safe sex (Photo credit: Wikipedia)





Written by  Daniel Casillas

Condoms have been traced back to 1000 BC when Egyptians were believed to have used them to protect against disease.  Since then, condoms have changed almost every century since to meet the challenges posed by diseases like syphilis, herpes, genital warts, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.   The 1980s and ’90s saw a huge spike in condom use when HIV showed up on the globe.  History shows us that for centuries mankind has known that the use of some type of barrier during sex helps to prevent infections.  The evolution of the condom, along with new technologies, have made the latex condom available in all types of colors, shapes, sizes, and flavors.

So when we talk about condoms we tell men, “Be sure to use a condom,” and they give that sly heads up gesture indicating they acknowledge the message. Reminding a guy to use a condom makes sense.  The condom was designed to cover the penis; men have penises.  However, when we talk to women about protecting themselves we always say, “Be sure to use a condom.”  This is perplexing considering that women don’t have penises.  The truth is that women can’t use a male condom (big duh).  What we mean when we tell women to use a condom is, “Make sure your man puts on a condom.”  The difference is that women don’t usually give a sly head gesture acknowledging the message but instead are probably thinking, “Crap, what if he doesn’t want to use a condom?” For some women, negotiating safer sex or getting her man to use a condom may come easier than for other women. Some women may find it difficult to talk about sex and condoms with their male partners, particularly when power dynamics in a relationship are unequal.  Regardless, a solution exists that could help all women take charge of their sexual health: the female condom.

In 1992, the female condom was introduced to the world and in 1993 approved for use in the United States. The female condom makes it possible for women to share the responsibility of protection with their sex partners.  This is especially true in the cases when male sex partners refuse to use, or have complications using a male condom properly.  The female condom, unlike the male condom, makes it possible to be inserted up to eight hours before sexual intercourse so as not to interfere with the moment.  Of all the benefits of the female condom, the one that stands out the most is diminishing a women’s anxiety about having to negotiate condom use with her male partners.  And maybe, just maybe, one day when someone reminds a woman to “be sure to use a condom” they’ll be able to give some sly gesture of their own acknowledging the message.

The Female Condom: Take Control of What’s Inside!

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Posted on April 2, 2012, in Condoms, Health, Protection/Safety, Sex, Sexual Health and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Hey Daniel! Interesting. I think the biggest anxiety with the female condom is not really knowing how it works, how to put it on properly to ensure we’re protected, etc. We know how to put on male condoms (in more ways than one). I think a bigger push to education on using this contraceptive would be helpful in increasing trust and usage of this product

  2. Interesting over-view. I do think that yes it the responsibility of both partners to ensure their own safety, & yes the female condom is a way to achieve that however what is not covered is any information at all covering the integrity of the female condom. How do you know if it breaks, if it does break are there any health risks, what does it do to the female sensation during intercourse and in turn the male sensation during intercourse, are they able to accommodate difference in size of anatomy? I think these things are incredibly important considering the entire act is typically based in the physical pleasure. Just some insight for ya’ 😉

  3. No thoughts

  4. Thank you for your comments and thoughts about my post. You each make very valid points and bring up real questions about the female condom. I hope you got a chance to watch the video I included in the post. The video is great and really does a great job explaining how the female condom work, educates why you might use a female condom, benefits for using it, and even shows a demonstration. Here is the link: http://youtu.be/O6YNAKmXGNU

    Watch the clip and if you still have questions please do not hesitate to post a comment or tweet me @dan_casillas

  5. It is amazing to me that condoms have been around so long, buy yet there is still the questions on how to use them, why to use them, when to use them, etc? It makes you think of the numerous decisions that go into answering these questions. And what an individual choice. But the sex that puts you at risk for contracting HIV and other STDs and pregnancies is still about two people. Someone has to take the “conversation” by the “horns”, step up and have the talk.

  1. Pingback: But women don’t have penises… « We're Not Idiots

  2. Pingback: Would You? « My Pathetic Attempts At Love

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